On a Tight Rope

How I manage writing with a chronic illness.

Some of you may have noticed that this newsletter is a little late. I had a plan for what I wanted to write about, but those plans went sideways when, over the course of the weekend, I had a migraine come on that impacted my ability to put two sentences together, let alone enough to fill an entire post. But I felt like this was a good opportunity to speak to something that often goes unspoken: managing a writing career when you have a chronic illness.

A Little Background

I remember my first migraine vividly. It was 1995, and the Friends soundtrack had just been released. I talked my dad into driving me to the mall so I could grab a copy. By the time we finished shopping, my head was throbbing. So, as we left the mall, I turned to my dad and said, “I think I know what a hangover feels like because my head is killing me.” Sure, I’d had headaches over the years, but nothing like the pain I experienced with that first migraine. Every movement hurt. Light hurt (thankfully, it was a cloudy day, but even indirect light hurt). Sound hurt (so no listening to the soundtrack right away).

In the years that followed, my migraines would show up sporadically. I’d have one occasionally, and then I’d get a series of them over the course of a month or two. The summer after my senior year of college, I spent most of July 2001 working in an office during the day, then coming home and crawling into bed with the lights out and a cold compress on my head for the pain.

In the spring of 2008, as I started my third semester of my master’s degree, I spent about two months fighting off a wave of migraines while taking nine credit hours. And friends, let me tell you, that nine credit hours for a graduate student is A LOT. Balancing that with chronic migraines makes it a billion times worse.

When I wasn’t getting waves of chronic migraines, I might experience one every few months. It would last a day, then be gone. But that changed in the late spring of 2013.

I started noticing that, for a week each month, I would just get awful migraines. Not only would my head throb, I’d have light and sound sensitivity, as well as extreme nausea for multiple days. I remember going on a date with my now-husband, and after we went our separate ways, I went home, was immediately sick, then fell into bed with a cold compress on my head. It took a while for me to look at pizza without feeling sick to my stomach.

As spring moved into summer, one week of migraines became two. And as summer moved into fall, two weeks became a whole month. By the end of 2013, I was averaging migraines for 20 to 25 days each month. A typical migraine would last about five days before giving me a break for a day or two. My primary care physician was great about trying new medications, but in 2014, he finally had to refer me to a neurologist. From 2014 until about 2019, my doctors tried medication after medication until they found something that worked. We also figured out that my migraines typically start from neck issues. Buying a heating pad made specifically for necks and shoulders made such a positive impact on my pain.

I had another flare up in 2024, but then we found that Nurtec, if taken early enough, can completely wipe out most, but not all, of my migraines. I now get a couple a month, but only one of those will be bad enough for me to wind up in bed with a cold compress on my head and heating pad on my neck.

For the most part, I can tell when a migraine is coming on. My neck and shoulders start getting stiff. You’ll see me popping my neck and shoulders constantly in an effort to relieve the pressure. I’ll pop a Nurtec, and if I’m at home, I’ll throw on my cold cap and shoulder heating pad in an effort to loosen up my muscles.

But not all migraines start at home. Often, they start at work, and in the case of Friday’s migraine, it actually started while I was in the car traveling to Kansas City. In those cases, I can only take a Nurtec and hope that I caught it in time.

But I didn’t. And as a result, the pain came on strong, along with the light and sound sensitivity. And the pain was such that my ability to concentrate plummeted. When I have a severe migraine, if you ask me anything more complicated than what I want for dinner (which is usually mashed potatoes), I am effectively useless. That is precisely what happened to me this weekend.

Now, I am certain I am not the only author who struggles with a chronic illness. And how I balance writing with my illness may look very different to other authors with different conditions. In my case, writing is one of the first things to go when I have a migraine. When I’m wearing a cold cap and a heating pad on my shoulders, I’m essentially chained to the sofa or my bed. And, as I mentioned, cognitive function declines. Sometimes, I can’t even concentrate enough to read, let alone write.

And I haven’t even mentioned the migraine hangover I get, where I’m slow and foggy the day after a migraine finally dissipates. Fortunately, I can usually write when I have a migraine hangover, and most times, I can usually make up for what I couldn’t write during my missed writing session. The rare exception is if my migraine necessitates a trip to the doctor or emergency room. Once, the doctor gave me a medication that knocked me out for a good 14 hours, and then I was so foggy I missed two days of work. Brain function wasn’t even an option on those days.

I’m very fortunate that my pain-free days now outnumber my migraine days due to understanding what causes my migraines and the preventatives I take daily. But I also understand that I will experience days in which I simply cannot write. So when I miss a session, I don’t get mad or beat myself up. I just buckle down on the days that follow to keep my momentum going. It’s really all I can do.

What I’m Working On

I started my third round of edits from my editor. With this set, I am now about a third of the way through the book.

I’m currently reading the remaining pages in the manuscript to catch errors I missed in my previous editing rounds. But it’s getting easier to catch the issues I mentioned struggling with in my previous post (Finding Balance). Every time I catch a dangling modifier, I want to cheer. Maybe I should reward myself every time I successfully catch one. Like a mini Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup or something yummy. That is actually a terrible (but delicious) idea.

What I’m Reading

I’m going to change up a little bit with this week’s reading feature. In addition to reading novels, I have been making a concerted effort to read more short fiction. I’ve been a fan of long-form journalism since I got my degree in journalism, but I really only read short stories when I checked out short story compendiums by authors like Stephen King, Richard Matheson, and Shirley Jackson.

A few years back, I joined the Short Mystery Fiction Society and, soon after, made it a goal to actively seek out short fiction. Part of my reasoning was to expand my reading, but I also wanted to write more short fiction, since I’ve always focused more on longer pieces.

Since making this goal, I have read some incredible stories. Ones I may not have read otherwise. And it seems to be working. I’ve written a couple of short stories, one of which will be published next month (don’t worry, I’ll share it when it’s posted). I’ve also plotted one that I will write once I finish drafting A Secret to Die For. I’m very excited to bring that tale of murder and intrigue to life.

That said, I would like to share a beautiful short story I read yesterday from Diabolical Plots. The story is “We Grow Together in the Light” by Riley Neither. It’s a quick read, but it will absolutely tug at your heartstrings. This is the first work I’ve read by Riley, and I would absolutely seek zim out again. Enjoy!